“He will die early,” said the seven-year-old boy solemnly before he walked away. I was left speechless, staring at his retreating figure. I am sharing this several years after the incident when I have finally found the inner peace to write about it.

My family and I were at a party in my sister’s house and the kid was the son of one of their guests. The boy was talking about my then sixteen-year-old son, Gideon James, who looked like he was also only seven years old because he has cerebral palsy.

I don’t know exactly how the child arrived at such a conclusion after asking me questions when he saw me feeding my son blenderized food via a tube embedded in his stomach. But I guess, as many innocent children do, he made his statement based on what he thought was true.

I wasn’t really offended. Just a little bit shocked to hear that sentence spoken aloud. The last time someone had told me, “Your son will most likely die” was when my then barely one-month-old baby was fighting for his life inside an intensive care unit incubator. He proved his neonatologist wrong and continued to defy many other specialists’ prognoses in succeeding years.

My son is a warrior and a minister. He has been fighting obstacles and overcoming them since the day he was born. He may not be able to speak nor sit up by himself but from him, my husband, my three other children, and I acquired so many lessons that we would not otherwise have learned if he had grown up “normal” like his brothers.

Over the years, our home has become a school of sorts for all the members of our family where we were taught much, over and over it seems, about patience, understanding, compassion, empathy, acceptance, faith, and prudence among many other things.

How different life could have been if my son doesn’t have cerebral palsy! And yet, I don’t think our family would have become the strong unit it is now without the trials we went through together because of our special child. 

People usually tell me they can’t imagine what they’ll do if something like this happened to them. And I assure them that they will find the strength they need if that time comes. When we got married, my husband and I never thought that we’d be given the kind of challenge we used to believe was only reserved for parents with unwavering faith and resourcefulness. Yet, we were chosen to be parents of a special child. And, so far, I believe we’ve been coping a lot better than we’d ever thought possible. 

Through James, we’ve met kindred souls who have little angels of their own. And through them all, we’ve been assured that we’re not taking this journey alone. We have a spiritual extended family with members who unselfishly share with us time, knowledge, advice, and even precious resources because they know how hard it is when you try to do it on your own. 

I have long ago relinquished the question “Why me?” because a book, written by a mom who also has a child with special needs, gave me the push to instead ask, “Why not me?” I don’t remember the exact moment, or even if I did have one, when I had that imaginary bulb light up, and I realized that I am stronger emotionally and physically, more patient, and more resourceful than I’ve ever given myself credit for. 

Turning my thoughts away from “what if” to “what now” made me accept the positive possibilities that this kind of parenting continues to teach me and the rest of my family. I’ve come to wake up in the mornings with a big thought bubble that says, “Bring it on! I will overcome anything bad this day will throw at me!”

Still, there are times, when I am far too exhausted and vulnerable, when a niggling guilt would creep up on me and make me question if I had done something in the past that makes me responsible for my child’s condition. I am just thankful that those thoughts don’t come as often as before. In time, I’ve learned to forgive myself for those lapses of self-pity and anguish and instead pat myself on the back for doing my best and managing to survive the never-ending trials I deal with every day.

Special children don’t come with an instruction manual, but their families eventually discover what would work best for them. Ours did and my son gave us that rare chance to see the world through the eyes of someone who is not willing to be defeated by his disabilities. 

The death of one’s child, I believe, is one of many parents’ greatest fears. For moms and dads of kids with special needs, that fear hovers constantly and is difficult to ignore. And yet, it is our very own special children who teach us to forget about being terrified because they are still here with us to provide light and joy in our lives.

As you read this book, whether you have a family member with special needs or not, may our story provide you with inspiration and hope that God is also looking out for you … always.

Embracing Disability This Ability

*Note: This article serves as the introduction section of my book "Embracing Disability This Ability: A Family's Journey with Cerebral Palsy" that will be launched on September 14, 2018 @ 5:30PM at the Manila International Book Fair (MIBF) by CSM Publishing. Thank you for reading! I pray that you will find encouragement and hope from our story :)  

*Edited 2019: Embracing Disability This Ability is now available in the Philippines at National Book Store, PCBS, and other bookstores nationwide as well as online from Lazada and Shopee. For those in the U.S. who are interested in getting a copy, please send me a private message via the Embracing This Ability Facebook page. By the way, you can now read Chapter 1, here.

I love traveling and exploring new places, especially with my family. But on those instances when I have to travel for work, I always look forward to coming home and once more being with the people I love. 

When my husband Nonoy and I were still a young couple, we decided that working abroad and leaving the other behind to look after our four sons should never be an option. Especially since our third son, James, has special needs and requires the care of both parents, we agreed to face financial challenges together rather than choose to work overseas and earn more, but at the cost of just one parent raising the kids alone. 

We held on to our faith that God will see us through anything. And you know what? The Lord sustained us and provided for our needs, particularly during really trying times! Our prayer continued to be that if it was really God’s plan for one of us to work abroad, please let us go there as a whole family and not leave anyone behind.

In Limbo

Several years ago, we found out that despite the passing of my USAFE (United States Army of the Far East) veteran father-in-law in 1999, the petition he filed in 1993 for my husband and Noy’s sister (my third sister-in-law) was approved. Moreover, the petition could be passed on to a family member who’s willing to continue the sponsorship.

My first sister-in-law, who lives in Guam, asked us if we’d like to pursue the petition. Knowing that the U.S. is a lot more medically and technologically advanced than our home country, Noy and I started dreaming of better opportunities for James, our son with cerebral palsy, and our three other sons. Once more, our prayer remained that, God willing, He would allow all six of us to migrate abroad.

Around 2014, my two US-based sisters-in-law started doing everything they could to process our papers. They consulted an immigration lawyer who facilitated the changing of my husband’s petition category from single to married, and hired another attorney to ensure that our oldest son, who was about to turn 21, would not be denied a visa.

The back and forth submissions and approvals of documents took many, many months. Each time we thought we’d completed everything, we’d be asked to submit a certificate, another file, and another, and another until we were left wondering if that phase of submitting requirements would ever end.

For more than three years, our family felt like we were living in limbo, unable to make long-term plans, uncertain if we could really leave or not. Many times, we had prayer moments where we pleaded with God to just let us receive a yes or no answer from the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services so we can be done with the seemingly endless wait and move on with our lives. 

Roller-Coaster Ride

In early May 2017, we finally received our visa interview scheduled for June at the U.S. Embassy. From experience, we anticipated more bumps ahead, but we held on to our faith that God will see us through until the end of the journey.

Unfortunately, two of our sons initially didn’t pass the U.S.-mandated medical exam and had to undergo additional tests. Only four of us went to the June interview where our eldest son, Rey, was almost denied a visa due to the “age-out” issue. Despite our pleas, the consul refused to look over the legal papers drafted by our lawyer proving that Rey was still a minor when the petition was reinstated.

We were all in tears as we approached the releasing section to receive further instructions. Obviously, it was impossible to feel elated about going home with just three visas instead of four. Mercifully, the lady at window scrutinized our documents thoroughly and told us to wait as she consulted her supervisor, who then returned our family’s thick file to the consul.

After what seemed like an eternity, we were called back to the window to be told that Rey would also be issued a visa. As always, God was watching over us!

With plans to travel together, we waited for two months for James’ and Josh’s test results, only to find out that our special child had to undergo another series of medical clearances. Although a difficult decision, we all agreed that my husband and two sons should fly ahead to the U.S. in early September so that Daniel, the youngest, could still make it to senior high school enrollment.

Josh, who was approved for a visa in August, insisted he stay behind to help me take care of James while we waited another couple of months for more of his brother’s additional medical test results. 

The first month away from my husband and two sons was tough. Thankfully, the video calls, often-teary conversations, that we made almost every day helped us to cope. None of us thought things would get more difficult, but they did.

Final hurdles

It was a long and stressful day when Josh and I brought James back to the St. Lukes Extension Clinic the day before my special child’s U.S. visa interview in October. After 13 hours of waiting and lots of hassles in between, he was finally given medical clearance. 

The next day, we encountered another problem with a missing document the consul asked for but which was already submitted during the June interview. So I had to re-submit a copy of the said file via courier a day later, unsure whether James would be issued a visa any time soon, or if they would ask again for additional papers that would further delay the process. 

With Josh’s visa expiring earlier than mine due to the additional medical tests he had to undergo, my second son had to be booked on a solo flight so he would arrive in the U.S. without any problems. This new development left James and me alone for another month.

Those weeks were probably some of the loneliest in our lives, when I realized that homesickness isn’t really tied to a physical place. Rather, it is about separation from desperately missed loved ones. Now I know firsthand that it is possible to be homesick for people, too! Our house in Alabang by then already felt like an empty shell.

As days turned into weeks with no visa in sight and no updates from the U.S. Embassy call center agents I talk to almost everyday, I began to wonder if I’d ever see my family again. Although I kept busy during the day packing and selling what’s left of our stuff, I would feel deep despair at night as I watched James sleep, while longing for my husband and other sons. Once more, faith in God’s plans kept us hoping for the best. 

It felt surreal when James’ visa finally arrived at the house and the mad scramble for last minute packing finally began. Despite my worries of how to survive a 20-hour trip with a wheelchair-bound child in tow plus four big pieces of luggage and another four carry on bags, my determination to do everything I could to be with my family was greater than any other hurdles I may still encounter.

Coming home

I was deeply grateful that my mom, siblings, and nieces arrived the day before our departure to help me clean the house and finalize everything before my son and I left for the airport. Their love and support were such a welcome reprieve from the loneliness of the past weeks. 

The date November 16, 2017 will forever remain in my memory as the day I finally found myself home again when I felt my husband’s arms around me the moment James and I emerged from LAX’s arrival ramp. All the apprehensions and exhaustion instantly faded away with the knowledge that we were, indeed, finally where we were supposed to be.

I’ve read somewhere that we will never know how strong we could be until being strong is the only option we have left. I can attest to that, given everything that we’ve been through since we started our immigration process.

I’m sharing our story to encourage other families to keep holding on to each other and to continue trusting in God’s leading in the midst of challenges and temporary separations. Have faith that He will see you through. Remember, too, that many times, life may take us to unexpected places, but love will always bring us home. 

NOTE: This story was originally published on pp. 17-19 in Family Matters Magazine's June-Aug 2018 issue, the digital copy of which can be found, here.

Good news, ladies! Singapore's number one beauty magazine is here! 

Grab a copy now of the July-September maiden issue of Aesthetics & Beauty Philippine edition that features the lovely Bianca Gonzalez on the cover. Here, the versatile celebrity talks about her beauty secrets as well as gives noteworthy advice to her young fans. 

Also, get insider scoops on the latest in beauty and fashion as A&B makes it easy for readers to find more information about the latest trends and treatments that are best for them. 

Oh, and do check out my contributed articles! I interviewed model, writer, and PR maven Apples Aberin who shared about what keeps her beautiful; wrote about Blue Water Day Spa's newest massages; and covered the launch of the SM Woman collection during Philippine Fashion Week.

There are a lot of things you'd like about this magazine. Let me know what you think once you get hold of a copy :) 

A&B is published by Mapletree Media Pte. Ltd. For more information and to get updates, like A&B on Facebook and log on to www.aestheticsandbeauty.com.ph.

Three weeks ago, countless Filipinos stayed up late to watch the first figure skater from the Philippines compete in the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. Seventeen-year-old Michael Christian Martinez made history for his country and inspired many to continue reaching for their dreams.

Behind this young man is his number one supporter, his mom Maria Teresa. Like her, other loving moms and dads also desire to see their children excel in things they like doing. Early Childhood Education specialist Marah Vasquez-Estuesta affirms that one of the most rewarding parts of being a parent is the happiness of discovery and recognition of their children’s budding talents along with letting kids find joy in developing and using these.

“From the time our children were born, we should be able to tune in and look closer at what comes easily to them and what makes them happy,” says Teacher Marah, who is part-owner and administrator of Mindbuilders Preschool in BF International, Las Piñas.

She says parents have to spend time with their children and watch them play to see what indicators of talents are being shown. “Do homework together. Keep track of their activities, what they like to collect, and take note of the questions they ask,” says Teacher Marah. “Keep observing as they grow to discover what talents they have and be their number one cheerleader.”

Please read the rest of this article in Manila Bulletin … 

Patients of the Asian Eye Institute who live in Muntinlupa, Laguna, Cavite, and Batangas no longer have to travel all the way to Makati for their eye care needs. According to VP and General Manager Mr. Alwin S. Sta. Rosa, the new satellite office is a product of them listening to 30% of their patients’ base who actually live in or near Muntinlupa.

“We are very happy to start the year with the opening of our new clinic in Alabang,” expressed Sta. Rosa who added that they are committed to bringing quality eye care closer to those who reside in the South.

The institute, established in 2001, has already served over 100,000 local and foreign patients. It is the only ambulatory eye care center in the Philippines with international healthcare accreditation and provides a full range of services and treatment options for all age groups.

Asian Eye is composed of a team of medical specialists with ten, full-time exclusive and affiliate ophthalmologists, a full-time Low Vision and Contact Lens Specialist, and a pediatric optometrist and orthoptist, most of whom obtained fellowships in their specializations at Harvard Medical School. A full-time anesthesiologist rounds out the team.

Please read the rest of my article in Manila Bulletin.