Two weeks ago, my husband and I brought Gideon James to yet another park we haven't visited before. While it was nice to stroll around the winding pathways and enjoy the beauty of nature, we were once again disappointed that there's nothing in the playground that can cater to our young man's condition. Since James has very poor trunk and head control, a regular swing seat poses a lot of dangers for him.

James was all smiles at his first time to ride an accessible swing!

Frustrated, I posted a photo on Instagram asking for inclusive playground recommendations. As fairly new residents of Southern California, we are continuously exploring and looking for accessibility-friendly places. Thankfully, IG users @mely_furtado and @jenntmqz left comments on my post. They both suggested we check out @shanesplay so I excitedly researched about it and found out that Shane's Inspiration, located within Griffith Park, is approximately 29 miles away from our place. Since it's a bit far, I promised myself to find an opportunity soon to bring my son there.

this playground set has special features that kids of all abilities would love

The other day, our family attended a Conservatorship court appearance schedule in downtown Los Angeles. Hubby and our second son took the whole day off work so we could also visit the playground in the afternoon. We are sooooo happy we did! 

I think James didn't quite know what to expect when his dad sat him down on the swing with protective harness because it took a while for him to realize what's going on. But once the swing got moving and he saw how happy we were, he started smiling and laughing with us! 

the playground floor is made of a soft padded material that even babies can crawl on it without hurting their sensitive skin!

We also had James ride the awesome zip line seat that was likewise designed with safety features. His big grins told us how much he enjoyed the new experience.

making music with Daddy was so much fun!

Before we left, we also had James try playing the huge xylophone and hand drum. It was so great to also see other babies and children having a go at the many installations in this very special playground. I am beyond grateful to everyone who made this place possible. Thank you very, very much!

a basketball court for all ages

Read here how loving parents Catherine Curry-Williams and Scott Williams conceptualized this wonderful playground in honor of their son, Shane Alexander. You, too, can visit Shane's Inspiration at 4800 Crystal Springs Drive, Los Angeles, CA 90027.

Thank you, Shane's Inspiration! We'll visit again, soon!

Make sure to use Google Maps to get there because the playground can be quite challenging to find with some sharp turns that you might miss if you don't have specific driving directions. Enjoy! I hope fellow parents who also have differently-abled children would find this information useful :)  

Those who have been following this blog and have read my book, Embracing Disability This Ability, already know that James, my son with cerebral palsy, could not talk nor walk and can't even sit up by himself without the seat belts and harnesses on his wheelchair and car seat. But, despite James' limitations, our family continues to find ways in making his life better. We also keep praying and hoping for further signs of development on how he communicates and moves. 

seeing James walk used to be just a dream

Since we moved to California in November 2017, James is still yet to have physical and occupational therapy services due to several factors, one of which is his transition from child to adult under the state's health care services system after he turned 21 last September. While we patiently wait for things to fall into place, I actively seek connections with organizations and caring individuals who have the heart to help the special needs community.  

Last week, Canadian-based Trexo Robotics announced that they will be coming to Los Angeles for two days to allow mobility-challenged kids try their awesome device. I have been following their posts on Instagram for quite a while now and find inspiration in the stories of children who are being helped to walk using Trexo's enabling technology.

Thank you so much, Manmeet, Rahul, and Dina for giving James a chance to try the Trexo!

Without knowing where exactly they will be in LA, I resolved to bring James to them if they could give him a slot for a trial. I reached out to the Trexo team via direct messaging and got a call from COO Dina Nikitina on the phone who asked me a few questions. She then informed me the next day that they can accommodate us for January 24th at 10AM.

Early this morning, my husband, James, and I traveled 34 miles to Hawthorne where NAPA (Neurological and Physical Abilitation) Center is located. There, we met Dina as well as Trexo Robotics founders Manmeet Raggu and Rahul Udasi (read the wonderful story on how they started Trexo, here) who patiently helped James get comfortable in the walker with the robotic attachments before they got him "walking" using controls on a tablet.

For the first time in his life, James was able to move by himself with the help of technology and, while I focused on taking pictures and videos, it took me a lot of effort not to start crying upon seeing my son beaming big smiles while he took 199 steps in less than 10 minutes!

In individuals like James who hadn't experience how to walk independently and whose legs most likely do not know the correct motions needed to do this activity, I believe Trexo's innovative technology would be a big help in training the muscles and the brain to remember stepping movements through practice and repetition.

cherishing this new milestone in #gideonjamesjourney

After this Trexo trial, my husband and I plan to look for ways on how we could lease, if not buy, the device so James could practice walking more until such time he could, hopefully, graduate to a simple walker. We'd sincerely appreciate it if you could help us pray about this. Just like in the very beginning when we started in this special needs parenting journey, my family and I will keep on dreaming more dreams for this young man who never fails to give us immense joy each and every day.

“He will die early,” said the seven-year-old boy solemnly before he walked away. I was left speechless, staring at his retreating figure. I am sharing this several years after the incident when I have finally found the inner peace to write about it.

My family and I were at a party in my sister’s house and the kid was the son of one of their guests. The boy was talking about my then sixteen-year-old son, Gideon James, who looked like he was also only seven years old because he has cerebral palsy.

I don’t know exactly how the child arrived at such a conclusion after asking me questions when he saw me feeding my son blenderized food via a tube embedded in his stomach. But I guess, as many innocent children do, he made his statement based on what he thought was true.

I wasn’t really offended. Just a little bit shocked to hear that sentence spoken aloud. The last time someone had told me, “Your son will most likely die” was when my then barely one-month-old baby was fighting for his life inside an intensive care unit incubator. He proved his neonatologist wrong and continued to defy many other specialists’ prognoses in succeeding years.

My son is a warrior and a minister. He has been fighting obstacles and overcoming them since the day he was born. He may not be able to speak nor sit up by himself but from him, my husband, my three other children, and I acquired so many lessons that we would not otherwise have learned if he had grown up “normal” like his brothers.

Over the years, our home has become a school of sorts for all the members of our family where we were taught much, over and over it seems, about patience, understanding, compassion, empathy, acceptance, faith, and prudence among many other things.

How different life could have been if my son doesn’t have cerebral palsy! And yet, I don’t think our family would have become the strong unit it is now without the trials we went through together because of our special child. 

People usually tell me they can’t imagine what they’ll do if something like this happened to them. And I assure them that they will find the strength they need if that time comes. When we got married, my husband and I never thought that we’d be given the kind of challenge we used to believe was only reserved for parents with unwavering faith and resourcefulness. Yet, we were chosen to be parents of a special child. And, so far, I believe we’ve been coping a lot better than we’d ever thought possible. 

Through James, we’ve met kindred souls who have little angels of their own. And through them all, we’ve been assured that we’re not taking this journey alone. We have a spiritual extended family with members who unselfishly share with us time, knowledge, advice, and even precious resources because they know how hard it is when you try to do it on your own. 

I have long ago relinquished the question “Why me?” because a book, written by a mom who also has a child with special needs, gave me the push to instead ask, “Why not me?” I don’t remember the exact moment, or even if I did have one, when I had that imaginary bulb light up, and I realized that I am stronger emotionally and physically, more patient, and more resourceful than I’ve ever given myself credit for. 

Turning my thoughts away from “what if” to “what now” made me accept the positive possibilities that this kind of parenting continues to teach me and the rest of my family. I’ve come to wake up in the mornings with a big thought bubble that says, “Bring it on! I will overcome anything bad this day will throw at me!”

Still, there are times, when I am far too exhausted and vulnerable, when a niggling guilt would creep up on me and make me question if I had done something in the past that makes me responsible for my child’s condition. I am just thankful that those thoughts don’t come as often as before. In time, I’ve learned to forgive myself for those lapses of self-pity and anguish and instead pat myself on the back for doing my best and managing to survive the never-ending trials I deal with every day.

Special children don’t come with an instruction manual, but their families eventually discover what would work best for them. Ours did and my son gave us that rare chance to see the world through the eyes of someone who is not willing to be defeated by his disabilities. 

The death of one’s child, I believe, is one of many parents’ greatest fears. For moms and dads of kids with special needs, that fear hovers constantly and is difficult to ignore. And yet, it is our very own special children who teach us to forget about being terrified because they are still here with us to provide light and joy in our lives.

As you read this book, whether you have a family member with special needs or not, may our story provide you with inspiration and hope that God is also looking out for you … always.

Embracing Disability This Ability

*Note: This article serves as the introduction section of my book "Embracing Disability This Ability: A Family's Journey with Cerebral Palsy" that will be launched on September 14, 2018 @ 5:30PM at the Manila International Book Fair (MIBF) by CSM Publishing. Thank you for reading! I pray that you will find encouragement and hope from our story :)  

*Edited 2019: Embracing Disability This Ability is now available in the Philippines at National Book Store, PCBS, and other bookstores nationwide as well as online from Lazada and Shopee. For those in the U.S. who are interested in getting a copy, please send me a private message via the Embracing This Ability Facebook page. By the way, you can now read Chapter 1, here.

I love traveling and exploring new places, especially with my family. But on those instances when I have to travel for work, I always look forward to coming home and once more being with the people I love. 

When my husband Nonoy and I were still a young couple, we decided that working abroad and leaving the other behind to look after our four sons should never be an option. Especially since our third son, James, has special needs and requires the care of both parents, we agreed to face financial challenges together rather than choose to work overseas and earn more, but at the cost of just one parent raising the kids alone. 

We held on to our faith that God will see us through anything. And you know what? The Lord sustained us and provided for our needs, particularly during really trying times! Our prayer continued to be that if it was really God’s plan for one of us to work abroad, please let us go there as a whole family and not leave anyone behind.

In Limbo

Several years ago, we found out that despite the passing of my USAFE (United States Army of the Far East) veteran father-in-law in 1999, the petition he filed in 1993 for my husband and Noy’s sister (my third sister-in-law) was approved. Moreover, the petition could be passed on to a family member who’s willing to continue the sponsorship.

My first sister-in-law, who lives in Guam, asked us if we’d like to pursue the petition. Knowing that the U.S. is a lot more medically and technologically advanced than our home country, Noy and I started dreaming of better opportunities for James, our son with cerebral palsy, and our three other sons. Once more, our prayer remained that, God willing, He would allow all six of us to migrate abroad.

Around 2014, my two US-based sisters-in-law started doing everything they could to process our papers. They consulted an immigration lawyer who facilitated the changing of my husband’s petition category from single to married, and hired another attorney to ensure that our oldest son, who was about to turn 21, would not be denied a visa.

The back and forth submissions and approvals of documents took many, many months. Each time we thought we’d completed everything, we’d be asked to submit a certificate, another file, and another, and another until we were left wondering if that phase of submitting requirements would ever end.

For more than three years, our family felt like we were living in limbo, unable to make long-term plans, uncertain if we could really leave or not. Many times, we had prayer moments where we pleaded with God to just let us receive a yes or no answer from the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services so we can be done with the seemingly endless wait and move on with our lives. 

Roller-Coaster Ride

In early May 2017, we finally received our visa interview scheduled for June at the U.S. Embassy. From experience, we anticipated more bumps ahead, but we held on to our faith that God will see us through until the end of the journey.

Unfortunately, two of our sons initially didn’t pass the U.S.-mandated medical exam and had to undergo additional tests. Only four of us went to the June interview where our eldest son, Rey, was almost denied a visa due to the “age-out” issue. Despite our pleas, the consul refused to look over the legal papers drafted by our lawyer proving that Rey was still a minor when the petition was reinstated.

We were all in tears as we approached the releasing section to receive further instructions. Obviously, it was impossible to feel elated about going home with just three visas instead of four. Mercifully, the lady at window scrutinized our documents thoroughly and told us to wait as she consulted her supervisor, who then returned our family’s thick file to the consul.

After what seemed like an eternity, we were called back to the window to be told that Rey would also be issued a visa. As always, God was watching over us!

With plans to travel together, we waited for two months for James’ and Josh’s test results, only to find out that our special child had to undergo another series of medical clearances. Although a difficult decision, we all agreed that my husband and two sons should fly ahead to the U.S. in early September so that Daniel, the youngest, could still make it to senior high school enrollment.

Josh, who was approved for a visa in August, insisted he stay behind to help me take care of James while we waited another couple of months for more of his brother’s additional medical test results. 

The first month away from my husband and two sons was tough. Thankfully, the video calls, often-teary conversations, that we made almost every day helped us to cope. None of us thought things would get more difficult, but they did.

Final hurdles

It was a long and stressful day when Josh and I brought James back to the St. Lukes Extension Clinic the day before my special child’s U.S. visa interview in October. After 13 hours of waiting and lots of hassles in between, he was finally given medical clearance. 

The next day, we encountered another problem with a missing document the consul asked for but which was already submitted during the June interview. So I had to re-submit a copy of the said file via courier a day later, unsure whether James would be issued a visa any time soon, or if they would ask again for additional papers that would further delay the process. 

With Josh’s visa expiring earlier than mine due to the additional medical tests he had to undergo, my second son had to be booked on a solo flight so he would arrive in the U.S. without any problems. This new development left James and me alone for another month.

Those weeks were probably some of the loneliest in our lives, when I realized that homesickness isn’t really tied to a physical place. Rather, it is about separation from desperately missed loved ones. Now I know firsthand that it is possible to be homesick for people, too! Our house in Alabang by then already felt like an empty shell.

As days turned into weeks with no visa in sight and no updates from the U.S. Embassy call center agents I talk to almost everyday, I began to wonder if I’d ever see my family again. Although I kept busy during the day packing and selling what’s left of our stuff, I would feel deep despair at night as I watched James sleep, while longing for my husband and other sons. Once more, faith in God’s plans kept us hoping for the best. 

It felt surreal when James’ visa finally arrived at the house and the mad scramble for last minute packing finally began. Despite my worries of how to survive a 20-hour trip with a wheelchair-bound child in tow plus four big pieces of luggage and another four carry on bags, my determination to do everything I could to be with my family was greater than any other hurdles I may still encounter.

Coming home

I was deeply grateful that my mom, siblings, and nieces arrived the day before our departure to help me clean the house and finalize everything before my son and I left for the airport. Their love and support were such a welcome reprieve from the loneliness of the past weeks. 

The date November 16, 2017 will forever remain in my memory as the day I finally found myself home again when I felt my husband’s arms around me the moment James and I emerged from LAX’s arrival ramp. All the apprehensions and exhaustion instantly faded away with the knowledge that we were, indeed, finally where we were supposed to be.

I’ve read somewhere that we will never know how strong we could be until being strong is the only option we have left. I can attest to that, given everything that we’ve been through since we started our immigration process.

I’m sharing our story to encourage other families to keep holding on to each other and to continue trusting in God’s leading in the midst of challenges and temporary separations. Have faith that He will see you through. Remember, too, that many times, life may take us to unexpected places, but love will always bring us home. 

NOTE: This story was originally published on pp. 17-19 in Family Matters Magazine's June-Aug 2018 issue, the digital copy of which can be found, here.

Many of us are audio-visual learners who absorb lessons better when we personally get to see and hear stories we can easily relate to. This June, join Sun Life of Canada (Philippines) as it marks the 4th Financial Independence Month by finding out how to break free from the cycle of financial shortage and security.

In 2012, I wrote an article for Rappler about how Sun Life uses the power of film to educate Filipinos on financial literacy. I enjoyed watching those clips, especially the one featuring Angel Aquino, because they depicted realities many Filipinos have gone, or are going through, and were able to creatively promote insurance and investment products without being pushy.

This month, Sun Life launched a new collection of Sun Shorts to once more inspire Filipinos to pursue financial freedom. Here are three reasons why all three short films are worth watching:

1) You will see yourself in one of the characters. Whether you are young or old, single, a parent, or a retiree, you'll find something in those films that would make you go, "Yes, that could be me!"

2) You will feel that push to explore why you need to invest and be insured. Each film will lead you to think about improving whatever financial situation you are in at the moment.

3) You could better visualize how to realize your dreams. We all have aspirations but, many times, we have vague ideas how to reach them. By having plans and knowing what steps to take, you'll get closer towards making your goals a reality.

According to Chief Marketing Officer Mylene Lopa, "Sun Life shines a spotlight on relationships to inspire every Filipino to keep chasing their dreams. Through Sun Shorts, we hope to show Filipinos how life insurance can help them ease their life's burdens and celebrate their lives' triumphs giving them the opportunity to show the people they love their commitment to a brighter future for them."

All three films were inspired by stories of Sun Life clients:

• Waves by Zig Marasigan gives a peek into the lives of millennials who are often criticized for adhering to the YOLO (you only live once) mindset and not preparing well enough for their future

• She Said, She Said by Nic Reyes highlights a mom's journey on juggling work and single parenting while trying to raise her daughter to the best of her abilities  

• Sayaw by Mihk Vergara delves into the reality of coping with a long-time marriage that has gone cold and seemingly way past redemption

Access the films at www.sunshorts2.com or through Sun Life's Facebook page. Each mini movie comes with a complementary video where Sun Life brand ambassadors Matteo Gudicelli, Judy Ann Santos, and Piolo Pascual share their thoughts and have discussions with friends to shed light on how insurance and investments enable us to protect the relationships that matter to us.

"The people we love make us a better version of ourselves. So it is important to nurture these relationships because they define us as a people," reminded Ms. Charo Santos-Concio during the Sun Shorts media launch. "We should be able to express our love by securing a bright future for our loved ones and Sun Life will help us make that happen."

Learn more about life insurance and mutual funds by also joining Sun Life's series of activities throughout the month to boost your financial journey. For more details, visit @sunlifeph on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Meanwhile, if you prefer to learn at your most convenient time, there are also basic financial planning courses online at the Brighter Life Institute. Just log in at www.brighterlife.com.ph.

Lastly, Sun Life is launching PA Armor, an affordable personal accident protection that can be easily bought through Sun Life's partnership with Voyager Innovations, Inc.'s online marketplace Takatack.com.

Ms. Mylene sums their advocacy by assuring Filipinos, "Life insurance is a gift of commitment, life, and hope. For as long as [you] have dreams to pursue and relationships to care for, Sun Life will be here as [your] partner in this journey."